Game Changer

Last Sunday I was a happy teacher. Last Sunday I went to bed not knowing that my life would drastically change courses within 72 hours.

Monday morning I learned my superintendent had changed the requirements for job sharing. 

On Thursday, I resigned.  

Seven years ago I was pregnant with Finley, shortly after his summer birth I somehow connected with Leslie. I know the somehow, but it might've been a hippa violation ;) Over lunch, Leslie & I joked how wonderful job sharing must be. That fall I took maternity leave and was planning to return full time to the classroom. Then Finley smiled for the first time and suddenly our wishful-thinking conversations turned into - how can we make job sharing work?

After more serious conversations and planning, we requested a meeting with our principals and our job share was approved. We hardly knew each other, but we knew this was a great opportunity to continue our profession and have bonus time with our babies. 

These babies!

What is the required change? Our schedule. For the past six years, we have alternated working two and three days/week. For a working mom, this has been perfect. My kids were only in daycare 2-3 days/week, giving us 4-5 home-days for bonus time together. Moving forward, Leslie/I would be required to work half-days, one teacher in the morning, one in the afternoon. This was a devastating blow to what has been perfect. A reason was given for this change, which I may/may not agree with, but a kindergarten teacher is not real high on the totem pole ;)  

My mind/heart can't find a way that five half-days makes sense. Hadley would be in daycare more than now (about $90 more/week). I'd never be able to have lunch at Finley's school nor chaperone a field trip. By working everyday, (I think) I'd live in a constant state of "catch up" from the night before. From my mom-view, all the benefits of job sharing are gone. 

My feelings are all over. I'm angry. I'm sad. Through hard work and dedication, Leslie and I became a seamless team. We poured ourselves into making this work, we proved this to families, staff, and ourselves. I struggle with changing something that didn't need changing (my opinion).

I feel like a quitter. I'm not getting my way, so I bolt?! Ugh. But I also see my kids. I see the mom I want to be - involved, at sporting/dance events, standing outside on the first day of school - because that's what I had as a kid. Job sharing has allowed me to be a professional and a more available parent.

I think of Leslie. After 6 years, we're just done? That kills me. We planned to retire together. I feel blindsided by this decision. There was not a hint nor rumor that this was coming towards us. My principal, I cannot sing her enough praise as an administrator. She's really good. I want to work for her.

I feel replaceable. Not that I didn't know that already, but plans moved forward to find my replacement before I'd signed my letter. I'm sure it's similar to how retirees feel - picturing someone else in our classroom stings a little. I'm jealous because this wasn't how I wanted things to end.

Leslie - will you teach your new partner what DIH and IER mean? We speak in code sometimes.

I've wanted to be a teacher since I was a small kid playing school with Lynn's things. I can't imagine not being a teacher. It's me. I'm afraid of losing that part of me. I'm proud to say I'm a kindergarten teacher. Starting on June 11, my title is Mom.  This isn't bad, it's just not what I'd ever pictured. I know some moms would love to stay home. And I'm blessed that I can. But...I kinda wanted to do both.

I know a new normal will be found, being less-busy doesn't sound that bad (I know I'll be busy, but I won't miss replying to work email and lesson planning on my home-days). I'm not sure what I'll be doing in 10 years, but I guess I'll figure it out then. Maybe I'll be a pinteresty-mom? Who am I kidding, no I won't. But I attempted May Day caterpillars this week.

Onto the two kids that I love enough to quit my job for...

There was a science fair at Finley's school. I wouldn't let him participate because I wasn't sure what it was all about. I told him we'd check it out this year and next year he can be in it. A local TV station was broadcasting the weather from the fair - Finley was on TV! 

A few on-air personalities demonstrated experiments... 

Finley's favorites were the ones he could try out.

A (not long ago) flashback...In March, the kids participated in a taping for a local commercial. The link below is the final cut, they are at the VERY end. 

 https://youtu.be/2PDyNdKl4yM

Easton's quiet-time is noisy for me. One day the monkey called me four times.

Another day there were two monkeys calling.

Finley, me, and Cherry Berry.

Hadley & I met up with new friends at the Sports Center. She had a BLAST and I feel bad it's the first time we've been there this year.

Little Sister, this whole game changer screams YOU.    

And this YOU too. Finley was excited to see us with Subway for lunch.

Soccer games have started back up! 

From the pictures, Finley looks aggressive...

...but he's not. He often stands way back (that's him on the far left) waiting for the break-away, then he quickly runs down towards the net. He seems nervous in a pack of players.

Hadley & Nolan kept themselves adorably-busy.

Finley liked having his cousins there to watch.

 

More tic-tac-toe on a ginormous board. With symbols that aren't always X or O and players changing symbols during play. I don't get it, but she does.

The 5 Littles were together a lot this weekend. Yay and nay.

Nay when they wouldn't let Easton be in the picture (that's his blue shoe on the left). Nay when they chased him with sticks...

...and nay when he crawled on the roof of our playhouse (so did Spencer).

Yay is listening to 5 Littles with a case of the giggles. It's infectious (apparently blowing bubbles into your milk is f.u.n.n.y).

And yay is snuggled up to your favorite cousins for a sleepover. Two at Grandpa & Grandma's...

...three with me.

As the weekend has moved on, my thoughts about my new adventure have improved. Don't get me wrong, I'm not horribly upset that I HAVE to stay home with my kids. I like 'em enough :) I just hate hate hate letting go of something that was so perfect for me/Leslie.

I've got 6ish weeks of teaching left and then summer vacation which will feel normal. Fall will bring...well I'm not sure. I plan to thoroughly organize our house, crap that's been shoved in closets is getting used or getting out. I told Patrick if I'm going to be home more, then a few "promised projects" need to actually be completed or I'll lose my mind. So today we started with the garage. 

Maybe I can do in-home daycare? I know of a couple babies in the works. Or maybe I'll just be back-up for those babies ;) I watched S, E, & N this morning and tried charging my Dad, it didn't work out.

I better get in the kitchen, I'm sure I should be baking chocolate chip cookies or something else that stay-at-home moms do. Or maybe I'll just sit right here. She's little enough that this can still happen, the (somewhat forced) game changer will work out fine (I hope).

This week I have received an overwhelming number of emails, phone calls, texts, and FB comments/messages offering words of encouragement in my decision. Thank you for taking the time to reassure me that this is OK. That I'll be OK.